<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>things i wish i knew by Anonymous</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26972029">things i wish i knew</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Halloween, Party, Yeah it's a catboy fic move along, but not really, catboy, platonic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:01:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26972029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the person did nothing in response. he actually seemed to relax, fingers curling on the floor as he pushed up again, his hood sliding off. jacob froze, the will to fight leaving his body as he saw it. a swishing tail and twilight ears peeking from the boy's hair.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>things i wish i knew</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the flick of a tail and all of jacob’s hard work was lost. “keb!”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he fumbled the cup in his hands, making even more of a mess. it didn’t matter in the end as his sketch was soaked. the lead stretching and blurring into something he couldn’t even recognize. “i was making so much progress.” jacob sighed, dropping his head to the table.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s1">meow.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the boy rolled his head sideways, his cheek pressing against the cold desk. his cat perched up on the edge, black tail swaying like a pendulum. “keb, i’m going to have to stay up all night now, do you understand?” he exasperated.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the cat lifted its paw to lick it. “of course you don’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">after a few moments of grief, he cleaned the desk of orange juice and paper. sharpened his pencil. set keb in his living room. shut his door. then started mapping out his drawing once again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">no matter what he did, it seemed it would never look as precise as the first did. one stroke too controlled or smudged from his palm. endless small details that he would try to push out of his head because they really didn’t matter. in the end, he would end up erasing and repeating over and over until he tore the paper from exhaust. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a new fresh canvas sat in front of him. the clock blinked three numbers, the sky was muted gray, and the town was fast asleep. all he needed was a draft. once he had that, he could let himself close his eyes with a comfortable weight until his mind drifted beyond. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">darkness turning to park benches and trilling cicadas. the fur of keb running through his finger as they sat next to a pond. the water mimicking silk where the moon met it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">as out of control as his cat could be, jacob would always let keb have the benefit of the doubt. he just assumed it had to be hard, the change. it was hard for jacob. so, he guessed he was similar in a way. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he’d morphed into someone more closed off and disheveled after. everything he did felt like it was automatic. reaching for his coffee in the morning, locking his front door, sitting at a table, waving to figures, and pulling the covers just beneath his chin. jacob was taking care of himself in the most surface way of the phrase.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he couldn’t even imagine doing much more than that. yet his grandma had taken care of keb until her last breath. he had been curled up against her, still purring. jacob took him in, set alarms to feed him and clean out the litter. that’s where it stopped for a while.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">until jacob found himself crying on the bathroom floor. legs too long to fully stretch out on the tile. too weak to hold himself up. it was then that keb had managed to nudge open the door and rub against him. purring for nothing. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he wasn’t alone. he had keb. it felt odd when he found himself chatting about his day while the cat stretched out on the carpet, simply blinking back at him. it was just ... he hadn’t spoken ... <em>really</em> spoken in so long. it felt good.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">even things like pouring water for keb or petting him while he scrolled through messages became therapeutic. taking care of something, something needing him. it felt like he had a purpose again. the world made a little more sense.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he’d gotten a lot better but it was still difficult. especially his school dilemma once he’d fallen so far behind. it only worsened once he’d realized he’d slept for hours and hadn’t even placed a dot on the paper. still nighttime. his eyes fluttered once again. the dimly lit room feeling all-consuming. that was until he heard a thump.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he wasn’t sure how loud it was. he was on the edge of sleeping when it had happened. probably keb, he reasoned before shutting his eyes again.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">his desk shook. it happened again. it was heavy, jacob swore he heard a huff after.</span>
</p><p>now, he never really prepared for something like this. he’d thought it’d be a one in a million chance that his apartment would be the one a burglar chose. it’s not like he had much to protect other than his laptop. no specialty items someone would want their hands on. so this was ... unexpected.</p><p>there was a wire hanger swaying on his closet. it was pointy. jacob could do damage if he tried hard enough. he swiftly grabbed it before sneakily clicking his lock open. the rooms were shrouded in darkness, his hand roamed around the wall until he felt the light switch. <em>click.</em></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it was a guy with scruffy hair, he had his hood up. lifting himself off the ground with the bar counter ... or trying to. his hands flopped to the ground as he fell again. <em>another thump</em>. “who the hell are you?” jacob shouted, holding back a gulp.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the intruder whipped his head to stare at him. unnervingly vivid emerald eyes blown wide. "stay back, i’m </span>
  <span class="s1">calling the cops,” jacob warned before reaching for the phone.</span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">the person did nothing in response. he actually seemed to relax, fingers curling on the floor as he pushed up again, his hood sliding off. jacob </span> <span class="s1">froze, the will to fight leaving his body as he saw it.</span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a swishing tail and twilight ears peeking from the boy's hair. it was the day before halloween so, it could be a costume. a very well made costume with features that allowed it to move. yeah. that seemed about right.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">but jacob's fingers wouldn't move to press the numbers. he tried to will them to but all he could do was stare. there was something so familiar about the boy. the moon-like eyes. the trivial scar that spread the length of his nose. lips that curled in a permanent smirk. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1"><em>shit</em>. jacob let his phone fall to his side. the boy looked up at the noise. the words leaving his lips before his mind could catch up, "keb?" jacob murmured. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">his ear's stirred at the name. <em>there is no way</em>, jacob thought to himself. the assumed burglar was clearly not moving anytime soon. standing </span> <span class="s1">in front of him, jacob cautiously reached for the pointed ear. jacob recoiled back with a sharp intake of breath. it was real. far from being plastic or fabric.</span></p><p>keb's eyebrows were scrunched together as he opened his mouth. eyes narrowed and he sucked in deep breaths. jacob patiently waited, knowing he had something to say. but all that escaped his throat was a short hum. </p><p>he tried once more but there was nothing. his <span class="s1">tail angrily knocked on the floor. "this can't be real." jacob hesitated, "can you ... walk?"</span></p><p>
  <span class="s1">the other glared. "right ... that's what you've been trying to do."</span>
</p><p>jacob held out a hand, it was a moment before another wrapped around it. toes curled into the woven rug, legs shaking as he raised up. keb squirmed for a moment before he wrapped his arms around jacob's middle and leaned against him for support. jacob felt like he needed to say something. but he felt just as helpless.</p><p><em>this is going to be a long night</em>, he thought to himself.</p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>it was daybreak, rays filtering through sheer lace curtains. footsteps still padding across the apartment. they had made plenty of progress, keb finding out how to balance. but it was clear they were both getting tired. keb slumped to the ground, dragging jacob with him. "maybe we should go ahead and sleep?" he wondered.</p><p>they could work more in the morning, after jacob worked on his project ... which he was supposed to do early so he could make it to the party that night. he looked over to keb, who was breathing deeply and resting his eyes. sure, he looked serene then ... but if jacob decided to leave him home, chaos would unfold.</p><p>too many times did he come home to broken vases and ripped food bags. "there's a party tonight."</p><p>the other nodded for him to continue. “do you think you can stay still if i take you with me?”</p><p>keb’s ears fluttered in response, his head tilted to the side. “yeah, don’t do that. <em>no</em>.” jacob said sternly, making an X mark with his fingers.</p><p>then his ears began to move as if they were following a rhythm. left ear. right ear. left ear. right ear. back and forth while a mischievous grin played on his face. jacob felt a flicker of recognition from the smile. seeing the similarities between this and his original state. this was definitely his keb. “please...” jacob sighed, a tiny edge of sadness to his words.</p><p>in the blink of an eye, keb stilled, tail limply falling behind him, ears to stone. "oh. thank you."</p><p>the boy gave a tight smile before resting his head against his shoulder. jacob guessed he'd have to learn how to nap on the floor for now.</p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>they hadn't even stepped onto the lawn yet and keb was already trying to drag him back to the cab. his ears twitching at every shout from the party and nails digging deeper into jacobs skin at every door slam. "it's okay, just stay by my side, you won't get hurt." jacob promised, prying keb's hands off of him and slipping them into his own.</p><p>the boy studied his face, jacob slowly led him to the door. the house was packed, jacob had been to parties before but this seemed more like a makeshift club. perfume and nicotine clouding around them. the other was shivering now. it wasn't the most pleasant way to spend his night but he wanted to see his friends. </p><p>and luckily, they were able to spot him before he roamed the house for hours. "cobie! i missed you so much." changmin squealed before drawing him into a cozy hug.</p><p>jacob giggled, "i missed you too, sorry it's been a while."</p><p>"don't worry, it's just nice to see you again." chanhee beamed, going in for his own hug.</p><p>changmin eyes flicked beside him, "oh, who is this?"</p><p>the group switched their gazes to keb, smilingly politely, even if a bit confused. “this is ke-" no, they'd recognize that, “-vin. his name is kevin.”</p><p>"nice to meet you, i'm changmin and this is chanhee!"</p><p>the boy didn't respond, instead, he shrunk behind jacob. "ah yeah, he's a little shy so, he doesn't talk much."</p><p>the others nodded in understanding before continuing on their greetings and catching ups. "i'm going to grab a drink, do you want anything?" chanhee offered.</p><p>"i'll just have some punch and water for kevin." jacob answered.</p><p>maybe he should loosen up but he didn't need a pounding headache on top of the already constant one. "okay then."</p><p>chanhee left, a little hesitant, glancing at keb. he probably thought jacob shouldn't speak for him but he didn't comment on it. changmin interrupted the silence, "so, what are you dressed up as?"</p><p>"ever heard of the <em>where's waldo</em> books?" </p><p>the other shook his head. "well, it's sort of like <em>i spy</em> books but you have to find this guy waldo ... honestly, i didn't know what to be so i grabbed my striped shirt and let it be."</p><p>changmin pouted, "i feel like i'm the only one who really dressed up."</p><p>"i'd hardly call a red devil costume, dressing up, it's so overdone." chanhee joined in, handing everyone their drinks, expertly held between his arms.</p><p>"i put a lot of work into my makeup at least! you two did nothing!"</p><p>but he added on, "i haven't seen jaehyun yet though, maybe he tried." changmin sighed, causing the whole group to turn and scan the area for said boy.</p><p>jacob took this chance to check up on keb, whose head has hovering over his solo cup, lapping up the water with his tongue. jacob gripped the cup. "not like that." he whispered before he motioned for him to watch.</p><p>jacob lifted his drink to his mouth, pursed his lips, tilted his head back slightly and pointed at his adam's apple bobbing from the swallow. keb turned back to his cup and closed his lips around one edge. he glanced back at jacob for confirmation as he leaned his head back causing water to spill down his face. the splash was loud enough to gain the other's attention. "kevin! what happened?" chanhee gasped.</p><p>both boys remained silent until changmin looped his arm around keb's, "come with me, we'll get you dried off."</p><p>before jacob could protest, keb was dragged off to a different room. <em>it'll be fine, he can't say anything,</em> he thought to himself. a night that was supposed to be fun was now causing more stress than anything. "hey there, it's been a while." jacob felt a hand on his back.</p><p>"jaehyun!" jacob cheered while the other ruffled his hair.</p><p>maybe he should've put in the effort to get a beanie. "where are the others?" </p><p>"ah, i brought a friend and ..." he paused, wondering if he should tell him about keb, he'd always been able to confide in jaehyun but this was ... "he spilled his drink so, they're helping him dry off."</p><p>"a friend? like a friend ... or a <em>friend</em>." jaehyun wiggled his eyebrows, wincing when jacob shoved him.</p><p>"just a friend."</p><p>the boy giggled at that, "if you say so."</p><p>"by the way, are you sure your costume isn't a zombie," jaehyun said, nudging him with his elbow, "you look like you haven't slept in weeks."</p><p>jaehyun's laughter after the statement was lonely, jacob only being able to stare back. the other quickly noticed, his face turning serious. "wait, <em>have you been sleeping</em>?" he asked, eyes scanning him again.</p><p>jacob took a sip of his fruit punch, "it's been a really busy week, i'm okay though!"</p><p>he could tell his voice sounded more cheerful than it should've been. they'd seen that same look on his face a million times, jacob had gotten worse at hiding it. "you know you can talk to us - me, right?" his friend said, tilting his head.</p><p>and jacob couldn't stop the phrase from passing over his head. "i know, thank you." for the effort.</p><p>it felt wrong to think it was all formalities. especially when these people have been with him since his childhood. the issue was that jacob knew they meant it, but his head refused to accept it. he knew. he did. but he didn't.</p><p>so, jacob patted his friend on the back before going to the porch. he took in a deep breath of smoke tainted air, at least it was less musty than what was indoors. deep breath out. </p><p>cloaked music could be heard, familiar beats but no clear words, it was moments like this that jacob thought the most. the world being just within earshot but he felt so small. enveloped in the abundance of existence. the possibilities. the ever-evolving lives out of his control. even knowing this, a part of him still reached out for more. he wanted a place in the world, a life that would carry on past his time. to leave a mark.</p><p>but with deadlines and expectations drowning him, jacob wasn't able to see past the profound sea. his perception distorted from draining his own mind of ease. years ago, he found comfort in the future. dreams of finding himself after being lost for so long. but now he was outside, city lights leaving him to be rejected by the very stars he'd made wishes on.</p><p>there was a tickle his upper arm, almost nonexistent. jacob looked down to see a boy leaning his head against him. body a few steps behind, putting him in a curved position. his cheek smooshed enough that he probably couldn’t peek out of his eye. “keb? what’s up?”</p><p>the boy simply shut his eyes and let soft even breaths fall onto jacob’s skin. a feeling of balance between them, a light drizzle against worn-down concrete. it helped the thoughts flow out of his head. only focusing on the other's warmth. reminding him he wasn’t trapped. he wasn’t alone.</p><p>he was seen.</p><p>that was enough.</p><p>keb rolled around until his body was fully leaning against him, his head on his shoulder. "you sleepy?"</p><p>arms wrapped around his own, pulling him closer even though there was barely any space left between them. "let's go home, hm?" </p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>it was late when they got home. jacob helping keb out of his shoes and gently washing the makeup off his face. “uh, you can sleep on the bed tonight. okay?” jacob decided but before he could even step away, he felt a tug on his shirt.</p><p>he spun around, “hm? what is it?”</p><p>the boy smoothed the blanket down and swallowed. a croaky sound snuck past his lips. jacob froze, "w-what?"</p><p>keb frowned at him, face pinched. he patted the bed, "s ... sleep."</p><p>jacob took a step back and thought on how to respond. normally, keb would curl up at the bottom of the mattress, jacob trying his best not to stir. but he wasn't sure his twin bed would be big enough for them now. "i'll sleep, just on the couch, don't worry." he reassured him.</p><p>but the other quickly shook his head. before he could really register it, a hand had wrapped around his wrist and yanked him onto the comforter. the air was pushed out of him, keb breaking out into an airy laugh at the sound. they remained quiet for a few moments. jacob peeked to find a faint grin on his friend's face as he rocked slightly back and forth. "is my pain funny to you?" he whined.</p><p>keb shuffled up to the headboard, waving for jacob to follow. once they settled under the covers, familiar warmth wrapped around him. keb's arm lazed over his stomach, eyes already shut. he'd always felt comforted by keb's presence. the weight beside him washing worries away. as if another in the room would scare off all the nightly beings that threatened jacob's head. all of the day's distress drifting away. "s'okay." keb hummed groggily.</p><p>jacob, ever the worrier, hid a response and nestled in closer, resting his head on keb's chest. the boy sailed his hands through jacob's hair, brushing through tangles. "goodnight."</p><p> </p><p>——</p><p> </p><p>another daylight. the sun had felt a bit cold to jacob those days, watching it rise through his window. a barrier between them. but that morning, he felt it. bouncing off his skin. huddling against his irises. if someone had told him then that the sun was made of honey, he would've believed them. sweet energy filing him. new.</p><p>he rubbed his eyes while he sat up. his blanket falling off his chest, rousing a purr. jacob squinted his eyes at the noise. lifting up the cover, he smiled at the sight of the black mass laying against his legs. "morning, keb."</p><p>
  <em>meow.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this story didn't really have a plot (this was mostly practice) but i feel like i should explain it was a blurb of jacob navigating his life but having keb beside him gets him through the tough moments. you know what, sometimes you just need someone to sit next to you to feel better. even if its a cat.<br/>thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>